Krusty Burger Recipe, Made Properly
3 min read
This Krusty Burger recipe comes in two versions. The first is the burger as Springfield knows it: grey, flat and left under a heat lamp. The second is what Krusty Burger would serve if anyone there cared.
There's no Krusty Burger tee (health-code reasons). If you'd order one unironically, the rest of our Simpsons t-shirts are cut from the same cloth.
The Krusty Burger canon
The show is specific about Krusty Burger in a few places, and never flattering:
- In "22 Short Films About Springfield" (S7E21), Chalmers notices Skinner's "steamed hams" look "quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger." They are the ones from Krusty Burger.
- Same episode, Chief Wiggum, Lou and Eddie compare Krusty Burger with McDonald's. At McDonald's, a Krusty Burger with cheese is called a Quarter Pounder with cheese. Krusty's shakes are "partially gelatinated, nondairy, gum-based beverages."
- "I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can" (S14E12) brings back the Ribwich: "Hey, hey, the Ribwich is back."
- In "There's Something About Marrying" (S16E10), Kent Brockman reports a new epidemic and notes "this one didn't start with Krustyburger's Whatchamacarcass Sandwich."
- In The Simpsons Movie (2007), Krusty shoots an ad for "my new pork sandwich, the Clogger!"
Nobody in Springfield thinks the food is good. They eat there anyway.
Version 1: the "authentic" Krusty Burger
Accuracy over flavour. Make it once.
Ingredients. 4 thin frozen beef patties, salt, 4 cheap sesame buns, 4 processed cheese singles, iceberg lettuce, 1 pale tomato, yellow mustard and ketchup. For the sauce: 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 2 tablespoons ketchup, 1 tablespoon yellow mustard, 1 tablespoon sweet pickle relish, 1/2 teaspoon each of onion and garlic powder, and a pinch of sugar.
Method.
- Mix the sauce ingredients. It's thousand island with a different name.
- Cook the frozen patties over medium heat. Press them flat with the spatula so the juice runs out. Cook until grey all the way through.
- Bottom bun, sauce, patty, cheese slightly off-centre, lettuce, tomato, more sauce, top bun.
- Wrap it in foil and leave it on the bench for 10 minutes. That's the heat lamp.
Serve on a paper wrapper. Eat it quickly.
Version 2: the actually good Krusty Burger
Same look, done properly. Serves 4.
Ingredients. 500g beef mince with about 20% fat, salt, pepper, garlic powder, a little oil, 4 slices American cheese, 4 brioche or sesame buns, butter, lettuce, a ripe tomato, dill pickles and thinly sliced white onion. For the sauce: 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 2 tablespoons ketchup, 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard, 1 tablespoon chopped dill pickles, 1 teaspoon pickle brine, 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika and 1/4 teaspoon cayenne.
Method.
- Mix the sauce and season it with salt. It's better after an hour in the fridge.
- Roll the mince into four 125g balls and season with salt, pepper and garlic powder.
- Heat a cast iron pan or flat griddle until very hot, with a little oil. Add the balls and smash each one flat, slightly wider than the bun. Cook 2 to 3 minutes until a dark crust forms, then flip.
- Cheese on, one more minute, lid on briefly to melt it.
- Butter the cut sides of the buns and toast them in the same pan.
- Bottom bun, sauce, patty, pickles, onion, lettuce, tomato, more sauce, top bun.
A few things that make the difference:
American cheese. It melts better than anything else, and a fast food burger needs it. Cheddar is a different burger.
Thin patties. Smashing gives you crisp edges, which is most of the flavour. Use a heavy spatula and press once, hard, in the first 30 seconds. After that, leave it.
Toast the bun. Always. A soggy bun undoes everything else. Even version 1 is better toasted.
Make extra sauce. It goes on fries, chicken burgers and onion rings.
The Krusty Burger extended universe
For a full Krusty Burger night:
Krusty fries. Frozen crinkle-cut fries. Cook them until pale and floppy for version 1, or until crisp for version 2.
A Krusty shake. Blend vanilla ice cream, milk and strawberry syrup. In the show it's a "gum-based beverage", so the bar is low.
The Clogger. Krusty calls it a pork sandwich. Ours is three thin patties with bacon, and it has its own recipe.
The Ribwich. Also its own recipe.
Krusty Burger sits on the menu next to steamed hams and the Flaming Moe. Made at home with some care, version 2 is just a good burger with a good sauce.
Krusty would be furious.
