How to Make Steamed Hams - An Upstate New York Classic
2 min read
The Recipe
How to Make Steamed Hams - An Upstate New York Classic
Ingredients
- 4 sesame seed burger buns
- 500g quality beef mince
- Salt & pepper, for seasoning
- 1/4 cup breadcrumbs
- 1 egg
- 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
- 4 slices of decent cheddar (or 64 slices of American cheese)
- Iceberg lettuce, finely shredded
- 1 red onion, thinly sliced
- 2 ripe tomatoes, sliced
- The shittest pickles from Woolies you can find
- Mayonnaise
- Tomato relish or barbecue sauce
Method
- 1Grab the beef mince and gently mix it with salt, pepper, breadcrumbs, egg, smoked paprika, and garlic powder. Don't overwork it, just make sure things are combined.
- 2Divide that seasoned beef into four portions and shape each portion into a patty. Pop these in the fridge for about 30 minutes to hold their form.
- 3Preheat a pan or BBQ to medium-high heat. Add some vegetable oil and cook those patties for about 3 to 4 minutes on each side or to your desired doneness. Just before they're done, place a slice of cheddar on top of each patty. Cover with a lid to help the cheese melt.
- 4Slice those sesame seed buns in half and toast them until they're slightly crispy.
- 5Stretch your calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise.
- 6Assemble your steamed hams masterpiece, despite the fact they're obviously grilled. Start with lettuce on the bottom bun, followed by the cheesy patty, sliced red onion, tomato slices, and a dollop of mayo and relish. Top bun on. Press down gently.
Well well well, if it isn't the most referenced Simpsons scene of all time.
The "Steamed Hams" sketch from Season 7, Episode 21 ("22 Short Films About Springfield") has become one of the most remixed, memed, and quoted moments in television history. Principal Skinner invites Superintendent Chalmers over for an unforgettable luncheon, burns the roast, panics, climbs out a window to buy Krusty Burgers, and insists they're "steamed hams" from upstate New York.
Fun fact: this whole store takes its name from this scene — yes, Unforgettable Luncheon is us. We put subtle Simpsons references on premium tees for the fans who quote it line for line.
The kitchen catches fire. Chalmers asks if that's the aurora borealis. Skinner says yes. At this hour. In this part of the country. Localised entirely within his kitchen.
It's perfect absurdist comedy. And somehow, it's made people actually want to eat steamed hams.
What Are Steamed Hams?
According to Skinner, steamed hams are "an old family recipe" and "a regional dialect" from upstate New York. Specifically Albany. Despite the obvious grill marks. And the fact that they're clearly hamburgers.
The joke is that there's no such thing as steamed hams. Skinner is lying. The name makes no sense. That's the bit.
But if you're committed to making an unforgettable luncheon that won't end with your kitchen on fire, here's a proper burger recipe that actually tastes good.
Why Did Steamed Hams Become a Meme?
The scene aired April 14, 1996. For years, it was just another classic Simpsons moment. Then around 2016, the internet discovered it.
People started remixing the audio. Syncing it to different animation styles. Recreating it in video games. The "Steamed Hams but..." format exploded. Steamed Hams but it's a Seinfeld episode. Steamed Hams but every word is replaced with its first occurrence. Steamed Hams but Skinner is a Fallout NPC.
The scene works for remixing because it's self-contained, has clear beats, and the dialogue is quotable. It's also genuinely funny on its own, which helps when you're watching the hundredth iteration.
The Aurora Borealis Exchange
The final exchange is peak Simpsons writing:
Chalmers notices flames in the kitchen. Skinner claims it's the aurora borealis. Chalmers asks: "At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localised entirely within your kitchen?"
"Yes."
"May I see it?"
"No."
Skinner then walks Chalmers out, his mother screaming for help from the burning house, and Chalmers leaves satisfied that he had a good time.
The escalating absurdity, the commitment to the lie, and the complete lack of consequences. Classic golden-era Simpsons.
Grab one of our Steamed Hams tees while you're here. Subtle designs that fellow fans will recognise.
