Simpsons Food Recipes You Can Actually Make
4 min read
Simpsons food is mostly a list of things nobody should eat, and this is every one of them we've cooked. Each entry below names the episode it comes from and links to a full recipe. Further down are a few that didn't need a whole page: the Squishee, the fugu dinner, the chili cook-off and a cup of cocoa.
The tee for the whole collection is the one named after Skinner's lunch.
Wear it
Lunch and dinner
Steamed hams
From "22 Short Films About Springfield" (Season 7, Episode 21). Skinner burns the roast, buys burgers from Krusty Burger, and serves them to Superintendent Chalmers as "Patented Skinner burgers, old family recipe." Ours actually steams them: seared patties finished under a lid with the cheese.
Khlav kalash
From "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson" (Season 9, Episode 1). Homer asks the pushcart vendor if he has a men's room. The answer: "Only Khlav Kalash." The show never says what it is. Ours is a grilled meat skewer, which is what it looks like on the stick.
The Krusty Burger
Springfield's fast-food chain. In "Lisa's First Word" (Season 4, Episode 10), Krusty shoots an ad, spits out the bite as soon as the camera stops, and says "I almost swallowed some of the juice." Ours is a thin smashed patty with a proper crust, juice included.
The Clogger
In The Simpsons Movie, Krusty pitches it on TV as "my new pork sandwich, the Clogger!" Ours is a stacked burger built to earn the name.
The Ribwich
From "I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can" (Season 14, Episode 12). Krusty Burger's limited-time rib-shaped sandwich, which Homer follows across the country until Krusty announces "The animal we made 'em from is now extinct." Ours uses pork.
Breakfast
The Good Morning Burger
From a TV commercial in "Bart's Friend Falls in Love" (Season 3, Episode 23): 18 ounces of beef soaked in butter, topped with "bacon, ham, and a fried egg." We follow the spec.
Moon waffles
From "Homer the Heretic" (Season 4, Episode 3). Homer skips church and makes his "patented space-age out-of-this-world moon waffles": caramels, batter and liquid smoke in the iron, wrapped around a stick of butter.
The pink frosted donut
Yeast-raised, pink glaze, rainbow sprinkles. In "Treehouse of Horror IV" (Season 5, Episode 5), Homer says "I'd sell my soul for a doughnut!" and the Devil takes him up on it.
Drinks
Crab juice
Also from "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson." To wash down the khlav kalash, the vendor offers "Mountain dew or crab juice." Homer recoils, then says "I'll take a crab juice." Ours is a cold, strained crab shell broth with lemon.
The Flaming Moe
From "Flaming Moe's" (Season 3, Episode 10). Homer invents it as the Flaming Homer, Moe takes it and the credit, and the secret ingredient turns out to be "children's cough syrup." Ours leaves the cough syrup out.
Parties
Birthday cakes
Cake ideas built from the food on the show rather than the faces: a pink donut cake, the colossal donut from the Lard Lad sign, a steamed hams platter.
The Squishee
In "Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood" (Season 5, Episode 8), Bart and Milhouse find $20 and ask Apu for a Super Squishee "made entirely out of syrup." Apu's reply: "Oh, s-such a thing has never been done." The resulting night out ends with Bart waking up a Junior Camper.
At home, the normal one is a blender job. Blend 3 cups of ice with 1 cup of red soda and 1/4 cup of cherry syrup or grenadine until it's thick enough to hold its shape, and drink it through the widest straw you own. Freeze the cup first. The all-syrup version is not recommended.
The fugu dinner
In "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" (Season 2, Episode 11), Homer insists on fugu at a new sushi restaurant, the apprentice cuts it while the chef is busy, and the doctor gives Homer "24 hours to live." Then: "Well, 22." He spends the day on a list of last things, nods off in his armchair listening to the Bible on tape, and wakes up fine.
We don't do a fugu recipe. Real pufferfish takes a licensed chef, and nothing in the episode needs it. For the same dinner, slice sashimi-grade snapper or kingfish thin, fan it over shredded daikon, and serve it with miso soup and short-grain rice.
The chili cook-off
Springfield's chili moment is the annual cook-off in "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer" (Season 8, Episode 9). Chief Wiggum's entry has an extra ingredient, "The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango!" Homer coats his mouth in candle wax to survive them and hallucinates the rest of the night.
Any good beef chili goes on a hot dog. Brown 500g of beef mince with a diced onion and garlic, add 2 tbsp chili powder, 1 tbsp cumin, a can of crushed tomatoes and a cup of stock, and simmer for 30 minutes. Spoon it over grilled franks in soft buns with grated cheddar and raw onion. Go easy on the peppers.
Cocoa at the Flanders house
In "Bull-E" (Season 26, Episode 21), Rod and Todd ask "Daddy, can we make cocoa?" Ned has to tell them: "Boys, I'm afraid Mr. Simpson... borrowed our mix and our mugs."
So buy your own mix. Or warm 1 litre of full-cream milk with 100g of chopped dark chocolate, 2 tbsp cocoa and 3 tbsp sugar, whisking until smooth. Don't let it boil. Marshmallows optional.
The rest of the shop is at Simpsons t-shirts.
