Steamed Hams Recipe, an Albany Expression

This steamed hams recipe does the thing Skinner never did: it steams them. Sear the patties hard, add a splash of water, put the lid on. The steam melts the cheese into the patty and keeps it juicy. Chalmers would still notice they're hamburgers.

The store is named after Skinner's second line in the scene: "I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon."

What episode is steamed hams?

Steamed hams is from "22 Short Films About Springfield," Season 7, Episode 21, first aired on 14 April 1996. The episode is a string of short stories about Springfield locals, with plenty of Pulp Fiction in it. Bill Oakley wrote the Skinner and Chalmers story in one afternoon, and the version that aired is almost exactly his first draft.

Skinner has Superintendent Chalmers over for lunch and burns the roast. His plan is to "purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking." His route to Krusty Burger is the kitchen window, and Chalmers walks in while he's on the sill. Skinner says he was "stretching my calves on the windowsill."

How the lie unravels

The smoke from the oven is steam, Skinner says, from the steamed clams. Then he serves hamburgers. "Oh, no, I said 'steamed hams.'" It's a regional dialect, from upstate New York. Chalmers is from Utica and has never heard it. "Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression."

Chalmers points out the burgers are quite similar to the ones at Krusty Burger. Skinner calls them "patented Skinner burgers, old family recipe." Chalmers notes they are "obviously grilled."

Then the kitchen catches fire. "Aurora borealis." Chalmers checks the time of year, the time of day, the part of the country, and whether it's "localized entirely within your kitchen?" Yes. "May I see it?" No.

He leaves anyway, on "you steam a good ham."

Where steamed burgers actually come from

Not Albany. Steamed cheeseburgers are a central Connecticut dish, and Ted's Restaurant in Meriden is the best known place that serves them. Ted's steams the patties and the cheese in a stainless-steel cabinet fitted with trays.

A home kitchen has no steam cabinet, so this recipe uses a frying pan and a lid. The sear gives you the crust a steamer can't, and the steam finishes the job.

Recipe notes

Use mince with some fat in it. Lean mince dries out, steamed or not.

Once the water goes in, leave the patties alone. Pressing them squeezes out the juice the steam is there to keep.

A heavy lid matters more than the pan. If yours doesn't fit snugly, cover the pan with a baking tray.

One slice of cheese per patty. Sixty-four is a different episode.

When did steamed hams become a meme?

For twenty years it was a good segment in a good episode. From 2016 it picked up again in Simpsons Facebook groups, then spread as "Steamed Hams but..." video edits on YouTube. There's a Lego version, one animated in the style of the a-ha "Take On Me" video, and one cut to Green Day's "Basket Case."

On 4 January 2018, Oakley posted his original draft of the segment on Twitter, under the title "Steamed Hams, but it's the original first draft."